Today I felt compelled to talk about common ways in which I see incredibly intelligent, talented and worldly women let their self-talk sabotage their lives; most of the time without realising their sabotaging. This self-talk ends up creating an internal environment that is very discouraging, and that impedes any interesting career path to flourish.
Would you even consider sending your kids to school with a mindset that would lead them to give up on their dreams?
What we tell ourselves does shape our experience of what happens around us and how we interpret those experiences. That is why it is very important to pay attention to your self-talk and how you are shaping yours.
So here are four things you need stop saying to yourself now, if you want to find a fulfilling career path in your international life.
1) “I don’t feel fulfilled but I have a good life, so I should just tolerate it.”
If you have to leave the part of yourself that is screaming for fulfilment out of the equation, you are going to have less to give to everyone you love and to the world. You may be saying to yourself that it is easier this way or not worth all the upheaval, but it is taking your energy and liveliness to be in constant pain.
An important question to ask yourself is:
If you have chosen to embark on an expat adventure with your partner, why do you think ‘tolerating’ your life is what you should be going for?
2) “But I may move again, it’s not worth it.”
This is a big one, because in the expat world that is a constant and real possibility.
In my own experience, and with clients, I find that thought tends to come hand-in-hand with a feeling that your “real life” is suspended until you move back home or settle down for good somewhere. And you end up leaving your plans and happiness to the future.
This constant sneaky thought that you are not where you should be can even take a toll on your health. And, if we think about it, it’s actually the very opposite to mindfulness and presence practiced at our yoga mats and meditation pillows.
Now, imagine yourself a couple of years from now, telling your kids and your family at the dinner table about this exciting work you are involved with. You feel energized, knowledgeable, and freaking interesting!
So good, right?
The next move would feel completely different coming from that place instead of that sneaky “it’s not worth it” place in your head, wouldn’t it?
3) “I’m too old, it’s too late.”
The most common fears among my clients are that they’re too old to create a joyful career at this point in life or that a rewarding career (maybe like they once had) is no longer possible.
What if that idea was totally false? What might you be missing out on?
In my work as a coach, I see the “magic” happen when women allow themselves to reframe this false belief into a much more interesting one:
It’s never too late to create a life you love.
There is only now and what’s next. Are you alive now? So, there is time to do something you enjoy and feel proud of.
If this is a tricky one for you, I have a previous blog focusing on this topic that may help.
4) “I don’t have the time”
This is a huge topic, but what it’s in my mind now is this phrase from Rachel Hollis I saw the other day:
“If you know what has happened in the last episode of Game of Thrones, you have time.”
I hated her when I read that line the first time. What a beeeeep to say that I don’t deserve a moment of pleasure on my busy mom days!
It’s a little harsh, I agree, but after a glass of wine, I could see this was not a personal attack. This is about how you are choosing to use the time you have.
I know, we all heard that annoying one before, choices, priorities… I honestly believe so much that at this point in my life, a career only has a chance to compete with my other priorities if I really love it.
I know that working on interesting projects and with interesting people is so engaging to me, I can talk for hours to my dear business partner Cris Beraldo about our next workshop. I really love running group sessions and working one-on-one with a specific challenge.
Whatever it is that you know you’ll love to do, now is the time to do it – because when you decide that, you WILL have the time!